#in that a few years ago I recognized that I was prioritizing work more than I wanted to

[freddieandersen]

i love being a jew for many reasons. one of the top ones at the moment is that rosh hashanah is getting me out of a Saturday shift after a 44-hour workweek (50 for many of my coworkers)

[ilovedthestars]

A thought I’ve been having: While it's important to recognize the long history of many current queer identities (and the even longer history of people who lived outside of the straight, cis, allo “norm”) I think it's also important to remember that a label or identity doesn't have to be old to be, for lack of a better word, real.

This post that i reblogged a little while ago about asexuality and its history in the LGBTQ+ rights movement and before is really good and really important. As i've thought about it more, though, it makes me wonder why we need to prove that our labels have "always existed." In the case of asexuality, that post is pushing back against exclusionists who say that asexuality was “made up on the internet” and is therefore invalid. The post proves that untrue, which is important, because it takes away a tool for exclusionists.

But aromanticism, a label & community with a lot of overlap & solidarity with asexuality, was not a label that existed during Stonewall and the subsequent movement. It was coined a couple decades ago, on internet forums. While the phrasing is dismissive, it would be technically accurate to say that it was “made up on the internet.” To be very clear, I’m not agreeing with the exclusionists here—I’m aromantic myself. What I’m asking is, why does being a relatively recently coined label make it any less real or valid for people to identify with?

I think this emphasis on historical precedent is what leads to some of the attempts to label historical figures with modern terminology. If we can say someone who lived 100 or 1000 years ago was gay, or nonbinary, or asexual, or whatever, then that grants the identity legitimacy. but that's not the terminology they would have used then, and we have no way of knowing how, or if, any historical person's experiences would fit into modern terminology.

There's an element of "the map is not the territory" here, you know? Like this really good post says, labels are social technologies. There's a tendency in the modern Western queer community to act like in the last few decades the "truth" about how genders and orientations work has become more widespread and accepted. But that leaves out all the cultures, both historical and modern, that use a model of gender and sexuality that doesn't map neatly to LGBTQ+ identities but is nonetheless far more nuanced than "there are two genders, man and woman, and everyone is allo and straight." Those systems aren’t any more or less “true” than the system of gay/bi/pan/etc and straight, cis and trans, aro/ace and allo.

I guess what I’m saying is, and please bear with me here, “gay” people have not always existed. “Nonbinary” people have not always existed. “Asexual” people have not always existed. But people who fell in love with and had sex with others of the same gender have always existed. People who would not have identified themselves as either men or women have always existed. People who didn’t prioritize sex (and/or romance) as important parts of their lives have always existed. In the grand scheme of human existence, all our labels are new, and that’s okay. In another hundred or thousand years we’ll have completely different ways of thinking about gender and sexuality, and that’ll be okay too. Our labels can still be meaningful to us and our experiences right now, and that makes them real and important no matter how new they are.

We have a history, and we should not let it be erased. But we don’t need a history for our experiences and ways of describing ourselves to be real, right now.

[webshooterrr9]

dbf!miguel staying over

i mean....... i had to eventually...

w.c: 2.6k

content warning: alcohol usage, age gap (reader is 21, Miguel is 35), smut, unprotected PiV sex (wrap it before you tap it!), slight dom/sub dynamic but not really because mig is such a sweetie and reader is sassy af, teasing because mig is secretly a meanie :(, not really tho he wants it just as much as her, big scary men whimpering!!!

sorry for y'all who don't speak spanish cuz i didn't feel like adding translations because it messed up the look but dw most of it is in english

Miguel and your father have been friends since college.

When your dad needed help with homework, Miguel was there. When your dad needed someone to pass to during the game, Miguel was there. When your dad mourned the loss of your mom, taken from the world too soon, Miguel was there. There were countless nights where Miguel would tutor your dad on subjects he struggled with after missing classes to take care of you: the angel he was gifted with in high school. Although he admits you came into his life a bit too early for comfort, he has always loved and prioritized you. And Miguel quickly became your dad’s best friend because, although he never met you, he could tell just how much your father cared about you.

And so he was always there for your dad. All through college and beyond.

It wasn’t until you started college that Miguel had the pleasure of meeting you. Your dad had planned a hangout with the three of you, telling you about how important it is to have a good friend on your side, how it helped him when times got tough.

And now you’re 21 - sitting on your childhood bed after coming home from college for the summer. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t been thinking about Miguel since you’ve been home. When you met him three years ago, you were somewhat intimidated by him. How could you not? Look at the sheer size of that man. But you came to know through your school breaks that he was a lot more laid-back than you previously thought. You hate to admit it, but you’ve developed a slight crush on him. It’s stupid, you know, but how could you possibly resist those deep brown eyes and that smooth baritone voice that pulls you in every time?

Knock knock “Chiquita?”

You recognized that silky tone. It was Miguel.

“Yeah?” you say, putting your phone to the side. “Come in.” The doorknob twists and your door slowly creeps open. Behind it was that beautiful man: soft brown curls, slightly hidden by a backwards cap, a strong nose, dusty jeans that hug his legs just right, and a plain white tee with a gold cross dangling from a chain around his neck. Your dad’s best friend. Miguel.

He steps into your room and lingers by the door, a lazy smile across his face.  Dios… he was something else.

“¿Qué estás haciendo, mami? Haven’t seen you in a while.”

You sit up straighter, trying not to look as lousy as you feel. He came in here looking like a goddamn Roman god and you’re just sitting in your pjs. “Just scrolling,” you reply. “Trying to enjoy my time without homework.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Your papi invited me over,” he says, stepping further into the room. “Just to catch up and share a few Modelos.”

You watch his arms cross over his chest, the sleeves of his tee tightening around his huge arms. “Doesn’t explain why you’re in here,” you say. “Shouldn’t you be out back with him, then?”

“What, ¿no puedo saludar a la hija de mi amigo?" he laughs. “That’s not fair.” he adds with a fake pout that makes you giggle.

“I didn’t say that,” you smile. He walks over and sits on the edge of your bed. You notice his watch gleam in the sunlight filtering through your windows. “Did you come here from work? Your shirt is dirty as hell.”

“You know how it is, beba. Being a blue collar worker is a tough job.”

You snort. “Please, being a mechanic is hardly blue collar work. You stay inside a garage all day.”

“My customers would beg to differ,” Miguel says. “You should see how many señoras come into my garage looking for a replacement for their shitty husbands.”

“Makes me feel like they’re tryna put a ring on it.” he wiggles his calloused fingers in front of you for added effect.

“Well, it makes sense,” you say. “You’re about their age anyway.”

“Oye!” he laughs. “I’m thirty-five, thank you very much. Not even close to their age.”

You roll your eyes. “Whatever you say, viejo.”

The sun had set an hour ago and he hadn’t gone home yet.

Despite the amount of times Miguel offered to leave, not wanting to overstay his welcome, your father insisted he stay for “ten more minutes” and handed him another beer each time. The sound of the two men laughing from the living room kept you awake. It normally wouldn’t bother you, since you’re a night owl anyway, but you have plans with your friend tomorrow that you have to wake up early for.

You exit the comfort of your bedroom and head into the living room where you find Miguel and your dad chatting loudly on the couch. Miguel’s arm is draped over the back of the sofa, which accentuates his already defined chest - not to mention the dim lamp light casting beautiful shadows on his face.

“Ah, mija, there you are!” your father exclaims, very drunkenly. “I was wondering where you were. No te he visto en todo el día!”

“Lo siento, papi.” You reply, leaning against the wall. Miguel’s stare feels hot on your skin. You can see him through your peripheral vision, looking as handsome as ever.

“Es tarde en la noche, chiquita.” Miguel says, his words coming out slower due to all the Modelo in his system. “Why are you still up?”

“That’s exactly why I came in here; to tell you two to shut up.”

“¡Oye! Watch your mouth, mija.” your dad says sternly, while Miguel just chuckles.

“Sorry, pequeña,” Miguel says, setting his beer down on the coffee table. “We’ll keep it down. But don’t swear at your padre, yeah? Respect your elders.”

“Uh huh.” you shrug, waving the two men goodbye as you retire to your bedroom. You were sure that Miguel would still be there when you woke up in the morning, but hopefully he’ll be passed out by then and not still chatting with your dad.

----

You fall asleep almost immediately. The newly-installed fan in your room helped rid the summer heat and cool your bedroom to a comfortable temperature, while still allowing you to snuggle up under the blankets. A band tee and plain panties is all you wore, which was normal for you unless you were staying at a friend's house - at which point you’d obviously throw on some shorts. The moon shining through your windows acts as a sort of night-light, and you’re soothed to sleep by the crickets outside and the less-deafening sound of chatter from your living room.

Your alarm wakes you up around 8am, which is earlier than you normally start your day. As you go to turn off the noise, you hear a tired groan come from behind you. “Mmph… turn that off.”

You flinch and turn around, covering yourself with your blankets at the stranger in your bed. But it wasn’t a stranger. It was Miguel.

“Miguel!” you whisper-shout, nudging his shoulder. “What the hell are you doing in here?”

He huffs and pushes his face into your pillow, and this is your first chance to get a good look at him. He’s shirtless, of course, but his muscular frame isn’t what draws you to him. His hair is tousled from sleep in a way you haven’t seen before, a grumpy pout peeking out from the pillow he’s buried his face in. He still has his gold chain around his neck, but he seems to have discarded his hat and jeans - which you see laying on your floor. You knew this man was gorgeous… but this was the most stunning you’ve ever seen him. The morning light only makes it better.

“Tu papá durmió en el sofá,” he mumbled, the sleepiness of his voice making him sound more attractive than ever. “And his room was too hot to sleep in.”

“That doesn’t explain why you decided to crawl into my bed unannounced.” you say.

He turns his head to look at you, and one of his arms slides under his pillow to prop himself up. “Cálmate, princesa. You had tons of room and it was cool in here.”

“God, you’re annoying.”

You sit up and brush the hair out of your face, trying to wake yourself up so that you can get ready. Miguel sleepily snakes an arm around your waist and pulls you back down. Your head flops on the pillow and messes up your hair once again.

“Quédate, mami. Sleep with me.” he mumbles, closing his eyes once more.

“E-Excuse me!?” Oh you were definitely blushing now. No way he just said that! You knew that he didn’t actually mean it like that… but you also knew that he wasn’t dumb. Whether his intentions were pure or not, you knew that he worded it that way on purpose. Was your silly little crush reciprocated?

He hugs you closer to him, pulling you flush against his bare chest. The cold metal of his necklace makes you shiver, especially in contrast with how hot his body is. Temperature, you mean.

“You heard me.” he doubles down.

“Do you even-”

“I know what I said, chiquita.” Miguel opens his eyes now - the lazy drawl of his voice becoming more awake and purposeful. His gaze on you is unbearable. You could feel the intensity of his stare. “And I know what I meant.”

You stare at him in silence. How could you speak? The man who you’ve had a crush on since you started college was in your bed, half naked, making a move on you. Part of you thinks that he’s waited long enough to finally do this, but another part of you feels some sort of guilt. He’s over a decade older than you, and a family friend no less. You can see through his eyes that he feels similarly, but his passion is overpowering any sense of guilt. Besides, you’re both adults. How bad could it be?

He leans over you, pinning you down onto your own mattress. A position that’s typically domineering, and yet, you can see his gaze soften uncharacteristically for him. He brushes a strand of loose hair away from your face.

“Que linda…” he mumbles, eyes trailing all over your face. “Eres tan hermosa.”

Miguel leans his face closer to yours, his gold cross dangling from his neck and touching yours. You can feel his warm breath ghosting over your lips. You’re stunned but also… excited?

“Miguel.”

“Yes?”

“Quiero sentirte.” you whisper, your eyes meeting his. You hear his breath catch in his throat. “Tócame. Hazme el amor.”

He chuckles, a flirty pout crossing his face. “Oh, pobrecita…” he grins, tracing your jawline with his dexterous fingers. Your face tilts up closer to his, your lips brushing as he speaks. “You know I can’t do that.”

...

What?

“Why not?” he can visibly hear the disappointment in your voice. It almost makes him feel bad, especially with how beautiful you look in the morning light.

“Don’t wanna wake your papi, nena.” he caresses your face once more, leaning back a little so he can look at your face properly. “I can’t make you scream while everyone else is asleep. We have to keep this a secret. But where’s the fun in sex if I can’t hear your pretty whines, hm?”

You smack his chest. “Oh fuck off, Mig. Come here.”

Before he can respond, you grab him by his necklace and drag him down to your lips. The moment your mouths connect, it’s like fireworks going off in his head. He swears you taste better than any bizcocho he’s ever had. Miguel holds your waist as you tangle your hands through his hair, and he lets out a soft groan. His hips involuntarily rut against your thigh, and he decides he can’t take it anymore.

His hand dips between the two of you to tug your panties down, freeing your skin to his touch. His thumb lazily circles your clit, while the other calloused hand is still resting on your hips. He feels like he’s in heaven, feeling you squirm underneath him, but he knows this is only the start of the fun you’ll have together. He swallows every sound you make with his lips on yours, his tongue fighting with yours for control. He pulls his hands back once he’s sure that you’re wet and ready. You two are gasping for air by the time your lips part, and his deep eyes look into yours with a silent plea. You nod your head desperately.

Miguel makes quick work of removing what little clothes he had left on his lower body before sinking into your warmth, slowly but surely. You gasp.

He leans his forehead against yours, savoring the moment of stillness. It’s like you two are in your own little bubble - no one else can interfere. He kisses you lovingly as he starts to move, silencing any moans or sighs you might have that others could hear. You’re just for him, no one else can experience you. His thrusts are slow, but agonizingly deep. You feel it deep in your core, kissing your cervix with every push of his hips forward.

“God…” he whines. “You feel so fucking good. So good for me, baby.” You arch against him, your hands dragging along his back for support. He glances down at where your two bodies connect, and the sight almost makes him pass out. “Que cosita más linda, mami.” he whispers.

“Damelo… please..” you whine, scrunching your eyes shut with all the pleasure you feel.

“I am, nena, I am. It’s all for you, princesa. I promise.”

His pace speeds up a little more, but he’s still pushing into you just as deep, “Show me you love it, baby. Mírame.”

You meet his gaze with glassy eyes, breathing heavily and nails digging into his back. You wrap your legs around his slim waist and he throws his head back at the tighter feel. “That’s it, baby. As�� así…”

He’s rutting into you wildly, chasing his high. You look down to watch as his dick disappears into your cunt. The wet sounds of his hips smacking yours clouds your mind. Each roll of his hips brings you closer to the edge. “You’re so pretty, muñeca. So so pretty f’me.”

His large hands sneak under your t-shirt and grope your tits, squeezing and caressing in a way that makes you hazy. “Want you to look at me while I fill you up. Can you do that for me, baby?”

You nod your head frantically, scratching the skin of his shoulders. You’ve never wanted anything more. The two of you are getting dangerously close to climax, and you swear you can hear him whimper.

“God, baby, feels so fucking good. No puedo más, no puedo más…!”

A squeal escapes you as he spills into your heat, with your own crescendo arriving shortly after. There’s a creamy white ring around his base as he starts to slow the roll of his hips. Miguel eventually stills and collapses, hugging you close in the same sort of cuddle as before, but still resting inside you.

After the exhaustion wears off, you pull back to stare into his eyes. A hand comes up to cup his face, rubbing his flushed cheek gently. “That was fucking amazing, Mig. I haven’t felt that good in so long.”

He laughs softly, returning your affectionate gaze. “Do you think your papi heard us?”

“Definitely not.” you giggle. “He’s a heavy sleeper.”

“That’s good.” Miguel holds you for a few more minutes, just silently staring at you. You can’t even imagine how blissed out you must look right now, but it’s all so gorgeous to him. “Eres increíble, mi vida.”

You hum in delight, stroking his cheeks once more. “You too, mi cielo.”

... you're gonna have to cancel your plans for today.

sort of switched to Miguel's pov in the last section cuz i wanted to experiment :))))

i hope you guys liked it!! dbf!miguel inspiration from @mybvalentine

and yes... he's a mechanic. it just suits him ok??

----

webshooterrr9

[celestemona]

GUESS WHO'S BACK❓❓❓❓🗣️🗣️🗣️

HII BEA MY LOVELY AND BEAUTIFUL DIVA!!!

HOW ARE YOU???💓💓💓

Since I've been gone for a long time....(ALSO FORGIVE ME FOR THIS QUEEN😿) I would like to ask some questions, some related to other questions i saw, some of them my own Questions lol

Anyways:

-WHAT ARE THE NAMES OF HEIZOU CHILDREN????????

-Did Scaramouce finally talk to his family about everything??

-Anyways what is the relationship between Fazuran with Zahra And Kaveh's wife(Since Fazuran is like Kaveh's grandmother LMAO)

-Are any of the parents planning to have more children?????

-Furina is close to Neuvilette's family or Éveline's godmother

-Did Childe have kids?? (If so I think he would be a guy with quite a few kids lol poor Mama!reader)

-IS AYANO FINALLY OFFICIALLY IN THE AU???

Well, that was all!!!! I hope your life is going well and that your Christmas and New Year's Eve are wonderful, Bebe!!!💓💓💓

See you next time :D

Look what the cat dragged in!!! ❤️❤️❤️

HI CREATIVE MY BELOVED <3 I'm doing great ty for asking. How about u? Enjoying your last 2024' days?

Tbh, there's not too much you should catch up with, but sure! I'll answer your questions in the same sequence you've made them.

Shikanoin Ren and Chiyo respectively. Ren is seven years older than his sister.

A time ago, it was during Nahida's birthday event if my mind isn't tricking me, I came up with a prompt where Scara met his wife and Kimi at the Sabzeruz Festival but they didn't recognize him (ofc). Pretty angst but it wasn't angsty enough for me so I gave up on it, left it on my drafts, and moved on hehe. So idk when I'm gonna make the three of them reunite again. . .

I think Faruzan's relationship with Zahra (or any other Sumeru kids) isn't too much different from what we usually see. She likes to act like a grandma, being respected and treated as an adult figure known for her great acknowledgment and wisdom, and because she has this mentality where everyone is way too young than her (which they are) she loves to pamper the new generation like a grandma would do <3

BAKERY IS CLOSED! Kidding... I don't know. I mean- Papas wouldn't mind having another one or two pairs of tiny feet running around their house. But as far as I know: the bakery is closed. Sorry ahahaha

Yeah! Furina and Navia have a close bond with Éveline (so does Clorinde). None of them is her godmother though.

Childe does have kids, everyone!!! I thought about three of them but he's so big family-coded that it'd take me a while to build their profile and what their dynamic would be like. So unfortunately I won't be prioritizing him so soon.

About Ayato is quite funny because I had ZERO intentions to add him to this au. But suddenly one day, I caught myself opening my drafts and building his family profile because I wanted Kazumi to have a close bond with someone else besides his own family or Ren. The very moment when Kamisato Hayato was born I fell in love with him 💖💖💖

TRIVIA: I wouldn't say Ayato himself is inserted in the au already. It's more likely just Hayato doing appearances and maybe, in the future, his older sisters will do too. I'll work on it though and try to expand the ideas.

Hope I've cleared all your doubts ahahaha 💓

I might be a bit late but I hope you had a great Christmas party and I wish you a great reveillon!!! ❤️❤️❤️

[rottenbrainstuff]

Calgary fan expo 2024:

(Long post, apologies)

Survived! The last year I was at the artist alley at a fanexpo was I think…. 2019? and I can’t even remember the last year I was at the expo just as a regular attendee, and not as a vendor… must be at least ten years ago by now I think. I had a lot of thoughts yesterday.

But first of all I did want to say, like I said yesterday, Neil Newbon was I think the nicest actor that I’ve ever met at one of these, I really mean that.

The smaller-name actors are always more fun than the bigger names, partly because they tend to not have their heads stuck up their own asses like some of the bigger folks, but also just simply that their lineups are also much much smaller, so you have more time to actually chat with them. (Popular actors can be very much a “hi hello, my name is x, thank you! Bye! situation) All my best memories of getting autographs at cons have been with smaller actors and voice actors and stuff, hands down 100%.

And I’m serious, Neil was the nicest actor I’ve ever met at a con. He is so gracious and polite, humble, and honestly seems to genuinely love interacting with his fans. I had in my head my little lines I wanted to say, so I could make sure I said everything I wanted in the tiny amount of time they allow you to talk to the actor, and then he messed up my little script by wanting to have an actual little chat. We talked about my oldest daughter in Switzerland, and how expensive everything is there, and he said hello to my kids and talked to them a bit, and teased me a little. I said the thing I wanted to, which was to say congratulations for all the accolades and how important BG3 has been to the fans, and he said he appreciates that because the fans are why he does this stuff, truly. Honestly I think he would have chatted even more but I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by then and like that was my cue to leave. What a nice guy though? Dang.

His panel was great as well, British actors are always so interesting because they tend to take acting very academically and professionally, he had a great, smart answer for everything, and so polite even when there were some very nervous people having trouble articulating what they wanted to say. (He also said Larian was an amazing company to work for, and prioritizes their people and their fans over profit, which is so refreshing)

What a lovely dude. I was a fan before but I have to say I think now I’m a little in love.

(btw the one other actor I also really remember talking to and having a great chat with was Tony Todd, who was here like, a million years ago, also such a nice freaking guy, giant goddamned hands, we had a big chat about theater and community theater and stuff.)

Besides that, which was amazing, the whole thing was a bit bittersweet. I had a lot of feelings. I’ve been attending these expos almost since they first began, watching them get bigger and bigger and more exciting. A few years ago the expo chain was bought by an American company and.. the vibe has really changed since then. It’s not all negative, not at all: things feel really well organized now in terms of crowd control, which used to be um. Somewhat of a notorious issue for our expo, to put it mildly. But… the whole feeling of the show has also changed. Like one of my coworkers said, it feels kind of like just going to a big market. I miss the old announcer that used to come on, I miss the silly little extra events they had like the geek speed dating, I miss the Viking village that they used to have out in the front, just… the little things that made it feel less corporate and more like this exciting passionate convention for all the geeky things you like.

I went to the artist alley and was curious to see if I could find some of my old con buddies, people who I had got to know over the years I attended as an artist. I was kind of surprised that I couldn’t find a single one. In fact I only recognized a handful of booths as ones I had seen regularly in the past: it seems the majority are new. In addition, the artist alley seems to be about half the size it was when I was attending. I was hoping to see old friends to be able to ask them how things were going with the show recently with the new management, but I guess the fact that none of them were there kind of speaks for itself.

Again it’s a bit sad, but in a weird way it also makes me feel a bit better, somehow. I miss doing these shows, so much, and I feel so frustrated with myself that I don’t have the energy to keep up with it anymore. This really used to be the absolute hilight of my year, once upon a time. Somehow it’s a little comforting to know that I’m not the only one who couldn’t continue to do it.

It was nice to bring my younger kids, anyways. My oldest used to really enjoy attending the expos, and I’m happy I got to share that with them as well.

I’m proud of myself - due to my anxiety I was waffling quite a bit on whether or not I should even bother going, but I feel generally that I’m happy I got over that and ended up going.

[healthylifefamouse]

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Energy and Vitality: Maintaining a healthy body weight and muscle tone can contribute to overall feelings of energy and vitality. When your body is in good shape, you may find that you have more stamina for physical activities and daily tasks.

Improved Health: A shaped body is often associated with better overall health. By adopting a lifestyle that supports physical fitness and proper nutrition, individuals can reduce their risk of chronic diseases such as heart disease, diabetes, and hypertension.

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Increased Attention: People with shaped bodies may receive more attention or compliments from others regarding their appearance. While this can be affirming, it's essential to focus on internal measures of self-worth rather than external validation.

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Overall, having a shaped body can lead to a variety of positive experiences, including increased confidence, improved health, and a greater sense of self-awareness. However, it's essential to approach body shaping with a balanced perspective and prioritize overall well-being above external appearances.

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[kerishe]

7 Lessons from Uncle Earl

1. Be careful of the company that you keep. - The story of what may have been the genesis of his illness will always be a reminder that the people we give access to our lives can also hurt us deeply… choose wisely.

2. Love your family, but love yourself too. - As much as we know his heart truly loved us, he really loved himself more. At many times he prioritized his own seemingly unimportant desires over the needs of others… which I have since grown to recognize is often necessary for self-care. You can’t pour from an empty cup!

3. Be persistent in asking for what you need. - If anyone knew Uncle Earl… they know what I mean… two words… phone cards!

4. Find your inner peace and do whatever you can to maintain it. - There was such a joy he felt in being free to do whatever he wanted and when he wanted to. I struggled in understanding what this looked like for someone who is suffering mentally… but I believe he lived, loved and laughed!

5. Give from a generous heart - At the core of his heart was the desire to share what he had… whether it be food, money or time… he made the effort to help others whenever they were down being fully mindful that others have and would continue to help him whenever he was down.

6. Be open to love no matter what! - From overcoming a divorce in his 20s to up to a few years ago planning to marry a 30 year old woman in his 60s… Admittedly I was shocked as to why and the sincerity of the situation, but he really seemed to care about her! Thankfully that did not work out as he planned! You see - Uncle Earl believed in companionship and always did what he thought was necessary to get it. Throughout my entire lifetime.. I’ve heard him talk about lots of women but there will always be that one lady from Slipe Road that was the true love of his life.

7. Mental illness is real - We live in a world where the stigma behind mental illness is truly disheartening… often uncle earl preferred to roam the streets in freedom rather than being locked up in a nursing home like a prison. I’ve always had a desire to create a better holistic space for Uncle Earl… but now that he’s gone… is the desire still the same?

No matter how much he cursed or offended me… I loved Uncle Earl from the very core of my heart. I remember him picking me up from prep school many times… and equally him showing up at school unannounced to get a message to my dad. It’s painful to know that our last interaction really did not end amicably… but I know Uncle Earl loved me and I am confident that I did my best to help him - esp during Covid! May his soul rest in peace and light perpetual shine upon him forever!

P.S.: Uncle Earl, I guess when u said you weren’t coming back in my car… God knew the real reason. Sleep with the angels my daddy’s baby brother - You will always be my favourite and I will always love you! Hail up my parents for me! I choose to remember the good times we shared and the initial joy on your face every time you saw me… even if it ended with you not always getting what you wanted! 💕

[amar-vallamdeshi]

Importance of digital India mission, challenges and key points for smooth execution of the digital India program.

Data: internet and information, the growth driver of India's economy:

In the last few years, I have seen tremendous growth among various sectors in India. And the progress of our nation has done with very high pace that has not done before and it was only possible due to strong leadership and dedication of team. Since last few years, the central government has focused and invested huge amount in the infrastructure sectors like Roads, Railways, Telecommunication. And the digital India program is the best ever program that has been executed by this government Because it has a tremendous growth potential with the least investment than any other sector. During last few years, I have travelled in various villages of Marathwada in the state of Maharashtra. And I have studied, observed the rural lifestyle very closely and concluded that the growth of any nation can only starts from village. And the central government has projected correctly by initiating investment in different rural projects like rural broadband connectivity. The investment has done for rural connectivity with fiber optic cable for the internet is really appreciable. I feel that the future of the nation is Data and the data is nothing but Internet as well as Information. The more you focus on Data, the more our nation will grow. We must say now that the UPI is 8th wonder, as the transaction has done through UPI is just amazing and is purely because of data i.e. Internet. The central government has focused on telecom and invested huge amount in the project of rural broadband connectivity through mission Digital India a decade ago and now we have seen enormous magical power after the innovation of UPI. Truly data i.e. Internet has unimaginable power and it drove the Indian economy on super high level and we must say that the India has been changing with its own unimaginable power across globe due to a huge investments and developments in the telecom infrastructure. The union government has recognized its true super magical power of the Digital India on time and invested, implemented and executed the project that no other government done before.

Challenges in the Digital India mission:

The union government has invested various projects like rural broadband across India under Digital India mission, building of road/highway works, water/gas pipeline works. The union government has implemented the infrastructure projects through different government authorities i.e. central government/CPSU/State government/State PSUs. The government has initiated various projects across India and executed in due time period. But the digital fiber project got hampered due to various reasons that discussed below:

1. Lack of awareness of potential/power of data i.e. Internet among different government bodies.

2. Lack of importance of data i.e. Internet in public domain, as last few years the anti-social elements have grown across every part of India and it is critical to resolve the issue at the point of time due to lack of support of administration.

3. Lack of prioritizing different government infrastructure projects by government.

4. Lack of coordination among government and different government bodies. And In India, there are different government agencies for different infrastructure works and the work done by state as well as central government are not in coordination with each other. And there might be chances of incurring expenditures twice due to lack of data i.e. information available with government at the point of time. If the data i.e. information made available on single platform, then it could be easy to roll out and prioritize the government work and can avoid unnecessary damages or expenditures.

Key points for smooth execution Digital India mission:

The union government can do precise study before the construction of highways in respect of study/planning by considering the importance of other utilities like Optical Fiber, Power Cables, Water/Gas Pipeline. These utilities require to cross highway at city/village underpass from one point to other point and such provision must be done on every chowk/underpass on highways to avoid any further hinder.  After the road works, the crossing of utility ducts at underpasses have become challengeable to concerned agencies. And this could be avoided by making provision of extra separate ducts for different utilities at underpass, Village/city area. The growth of India is not just by growing only particular sector but by growing and considering other works/sectors at the point of the time. And each and every infra sectors are interdependent. So, if such provision made available before the construction of the Road with coordination of different agencies/authorities then the future of the nation will be unimaginable.

~ Amar Vallamdeshi

[caxyanalysis]

Long post under the cut, playing a lot of devil's advocate (more literally than I ever have before) on every point.

Analyzing spopsalts points:

neither Stolas nor Octavia were ever in danger of any actual harm during their outing to LooLoo Land (they're royals, and it's made clear Angel weapons are one of the few things capable of even HARMING a royal, let alone killing them)

Octavia being in the human world was low-concern because the ONLY risk was her being revealed to humans which are, as the cast is fully aware by now, RIDICULOUSLY oblivious, especially in Hollywood, and would never put 2 and 2 together that she's a demon.

ALSO on the topic of her being in the human world, it's not like she was in any danger. She had the grimoire and could go anywhere in the universe at any given time, so if D.O.R.K caught sight of her she could be out of there in the time it would take them to recognize the situation, and if they took a shot at her it wouldn't matter anyway because, again, Angel weapons are kind of a requirement to hurt/kill royals.

Worth noting, as someone who grew up with parents that CONSTANTLY shit-talked each other and spent most their time genuinely unhappy with one another, things only got better after mine split up. Not a universal thing, but let's face it: Stolas and his wife were a toxic marriage and staying together was NOT helping Octavia. Post-divorce, she can spend time with her dad WITHOUT having to listen to the constant arguing, shouting, and hatred between her parents.

ALSO worth noting is that Stolas didn't WANT to be dealing with Stella, and he had promised Octavia a literal decade ago that they would see the stars together. It's understandable that, with the divorce, Stella constantly screaming in his ear, and the recent pressures going on that a promise he made ten years ago would slip his mind, especially in the middle of trying to get Stella out of his house for good. Even good parents slip up like that sometimes and using it as "evidence he's a shitty parent" isn't fair analysis.

I skipped ahead a little but on the subject of thinking about Blitzo when he's about to die, think back to Stolas' song to Octavia. There's some heavy foreshadowing (or seems to be) that his work involves bringing down Heaven or aiding in sparking the apocalypse, and yet despite his work being about the end of days, he insists she'll be okay. Something tells me (and this is just theory so it doesn't DETRACT from your point, just a possibility to consider) that he has taken steps to ensure that Octavia will be taken care of and protected with, or without, him. Blitzo on the other hand likely has no such protections, and while, worst case scenario, Octavia gets fully taken in by the royal family, she at least survives, Blitzo without Stolas is a target with no defense. Stryker, the few clever humans, annual purges, other imps, sinners, any one of them can kill Blitzo and if Stolas is dead then there's nothing at all he can do to keep one of the only two people he cares about safe.

Staying at Blitzos show instead of looking for Octavia makes sense. Stolas is only one being, and we don't know HOW limited his magic is without the book. It's clear a human disguise is something that can be acquired, learned, or created by even the lowest-powered individuals (as evidenced by Loona being able to conjure one up with ease despite only being a hellhound). We know Stolas can enter and exit the human world at will without the book, and possess people without it, but what good are those powers in this instance? He can't simply "want to go to Octavia" and conjure a portal to her. He's reliant on the investigative work of Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, and Loona. If anything happens to Blitzo, it's likely the others will prioritize leaving rather than finding his daughter. So it makes sense to stay with Blitzo, make sure the others assume his safety, so they'll keep looking for Octavia.

Overall, not once in the series has Octavia ever been in any amount of actual danger, and the most egregious cases of "shitty parenting" you bring up are being lewd with Blitzo around Octavia and not spending every waking instant looking for her when she was missing (the cheating is not shitty parenting, it's being a shitty partner, but in the case of Stolas and Stella there was no relationship between them to begin with), and yet I still find cause to believe Stolas is not as awful a parent as you think.

We don't see every waking moment between them. We know Octavia cares deeply for her dad, and after the LooLoo Land incident it's implied he does put more effort into being a proper father to her. The next instance we see is some time later with the stars event, which again, Stolas understandably forgot in the moment. It didn't help that, instead of communicating the issue to her dad, she ran away, stressing him further and pushing that decade-old promise FURTHER from the front of his mind.

Ultimately, I don't think Stolas is a great dad. He isn't gonna be winning "father of the year" any time soon, he HAS fucked up quite a bit.

But I also don't think he's a shitty dad. It's a recurring theme that demons in the show are still just people. Hell, in the show itself they're more human than humans.

I think Stolas is a man with a LOT of pressure on his shoulders, far more expected of him than is reasonable, and hasn't had a single day in his life to simply be himself until Blitzo came back into his life. Does that excuse his behavior? Justify his actions? Not in every case, no. Not in most of them. But it explains them, lends context to them.

He's not a shitty dad: He's a struggling dad. He wants to do his best, and between his own needs and wants in life, the pressures and struggles that come with being in his position of power, and the attempt on his life at the hands of Stryker, coupled with the constant hate and vitriol spewed his way from Stella, he is, understandably, only just now learning how to really live.

Octavia is a victim of that, yes, in that she went from a young girl with a doting father to a teenager with an ever-busy father with far too many irons in the fire to make enough time for her, but Stolas IS trying.

As someone who grew up with a similar dad, I have to say...I get it, on both sides. But you can't call Stolas a shitty dad. Not when he is making genuine, active effort to be better and better for Octavia. Just because we only see the Stolas/Blitzo side of things most doesn't mean that's all there is.

I just find it hilarious how Helluva Boss insists that Stolas is a good dad when he, and this is all canon, the episode will be in the paratheses if you're curious!

Think about Blitzo when he was about to die (Western energy)

Says to Octavia"We're rich and hot, people want our money and our bodies" (Lolo land)

Only pay attention to Blitzo and hit on him in front of Octavia and talked sexually about Blitzo in front of Octavia (Lolo land, albeit the show does call him out on this)

Pay more attention to his wife than Octavia when he promised her they would spend time together (Seeing stars, the show kinda calls him out on this but also brushes it off just saying he fucked up)

Stayed at Blitzo's show instead of looking for Octavia who was MISSING (Seeing stars, this episode is a perfect example of how shitty of a dad Stolas is)

Cheated on his wife without thinking about how it would affect Octavia (The Circus, Granted this seemed to be more impulsive but it's still a shitty thing to do)

Use the limited amount of powers he had to give himself a human disguise instead of...oh I dunno putting that to use to help his daughter, who is, may I remind you, MISSING! (Seeing stars)

I'm sure there's more examples but I can't think of more, reblog if you can think of more!

[annemaynova]

a brief-ish analysis of how Felix’s route isn’t third wheely. (analysis)

a brief-ish analysis of how Felix’s route isn’t third wheely.

a few notes: im not saying it *isnt* third wheely or that you cant feel that way. the beauty of LL is that it leaves much room for interpretation, and this is a case of that. this is my personal take.

summary: in short, the way i see it Rime reaches for Felix more than Felix reaches back. Felix reaches for MC instead of Rime, who doesn’t want to accept that Felix seems to have moved on. However, there are instances that do point to Felix still caring for Rime.

Before talking about why i dont read it as a third wheel situation, we need to acknowledge that it can be read as the opposite and its valid to do so.

some points in favor of a third wheel situation is knowing the history Felix and Rime share. They loved each other, and Rime died for Felix—that is no small measure of love. In the aftermath of Rime’s death, Felix was hellbent on bringing him back—he devoted five years of his life to it. He was still very upset when MC appeared instead of Rime. He cared a lot for Rime.

 In Ch 5, Felix is indeed reaching for Rime, trying to apologize and fix things. He wants this to be Rime—his Rime. Also in Ch 5 however, Felix says that Rime isn’t the same as he was.

 In Ch 6, Felix says he has to kill Rime, as it’s his fault he’s like this. Felix feels a lot of guilt and shows to fixate on finding Rime in that moment & later as a motivation to break out of Blackthorn, but other than that we don’t see this come up often.

 When Rime appears in Escell’s office, Felix is shocked, however we quickly learn this is mainly due to Rime’s collusion with the LoS, however it can also be read as Felix missing Rime.

 If we take a look at what Felix says while at Blackthorn with MC, he tells MC he isn’t replacing Rime with them, and in Ch 5 he says that the Rime they see isn’t the man Felix knew/loved. Felix makes it very clear that his Rime would not be working with the LoS, threatening MC, or even his father.

 To me Felix’s route doesn’t feel third wheely due to this; Felix’s assurances go a long way, since his actions prove his words true.

Felix does at first try to get through to Rime, but as soon as MC’s life is in danger, his main focus is their safety. Yes, he does try to send them away—but this is very subjective, as he had tried to due the same in Ch 4 at Blackthorn, again, to protect MC.

 When Sage brings up Rime, Felix keeps his answers short and vague, mostly due to embarrassment. This is very subjective on how it can be read. Later, they briefly talk about Rime again, but only in context of whether Felix can save MC or not. The next time Rime is brought up is when Felix says he has to kill him to fix things—a brief exchange that neither dwell on. When Rime is brought up over dinner, it is not Felix who mentions him, but Scylla. Felix ends the conversation quickly. When they see Rime in Escell’s office later, Felix is quiet once more, but later reveals how shocked he was to see Rime, further cementing Rime’s change in character.

 So far every instance of Rime being brought up is met with limited response or Felix saying how different he is, making clear he was not this way five years ago. Felix makes clear again and again that he does not recognize Rime, and that he cares for MC a great deal.

 After freeing Escell, MC and Felix are separated. If the player doesn’t play the paid scene, Felix and Rime are the only ones in sight (alongside Escell). Felix’s first question is “where is MC”. This proves how much he prioritizes them. If the player does the paid scene, he says “get away from them”, then checks MC for injuries before addressing Rime.

 When Felix and MC watch the memory of Rime’s death in the void, Felix is hurt, but makes clear that things have changed and the feelings he once had for Rime are no longer there. When MC is waking up from resurrection, Felix is looking at them, and talks and behaves as if Rime isn’t even in the room. this further proves his love for MC.

 All in all, there are equal amounts of scenes in favor of Felix still caring for Rime as there are ones in favor of Felix having moved on. However, Felix also spent 5 years refusing to accept Rime’s death, and thus has only now begun to process it. That makes talking about Rime difficult, since he’s not exactly who Felix loved, but he isn’t dead either.

 Felix also has been initiating more with MC, taking more steps to cement their relationship. This shows his decision—if he was still attached to Rime romantically, he would be even more hesitant and shy than before.

 On a more meta level: Felix’s route is about acceptance and moving on, as well as a theme of freedom of choice. Narratively, it makes little sense for Felix to want to go back to Rime when until now he’s made moves towards moving forward rather than going back to how things were.

 TL;DR: there is no right or wrong answer here. Both sides are valid feelings. Felix’s route is about moving forward, which he has been doing with MC.

[jinmukangwrites]

@damianwayneweek Day 1 (6-13): Truth serum | Damian Wayne Protection Squad™ | Best friends to lovers

Note: Rushed. I'm sure it's still the 13th somewhere.

Warnings: kidnapping, nonconsensual drugging, needles.

-o-o-o-o-

Dick wakes to the taste of blood on his tongue.

Thankfully, after slowly moving his tongue around, it's just because he bit the inside of his cheek sometime between when he was knocked out and when he woke up. His head pounds like a war-drum with his heart as he tries to get ahold of his situation. Without opening his eyes, he assess his arms are restrained behind his back and he's sitting on an uncomfortable metal chair. His legs are also tied to the chair, keeping him from running.

The suit he wears feels suffocating, proof that—once again—him wearing Batman's cowl isn't some sort of sick joke. However, his shoulders are a bit lighter suggesting his cape has been taken. Not that he'll mourn it.

His cowl is on. He silently curses himself for not checking that first. It would be the first thing Bruce checked.

He always prioritized the identity. The mission. Secrecy before safety, Gotham before everything else. Not injuries, not friends, not family, partners-

Dick's eyes fly open, reminding him of the real thing he should have checked for first.

"Robin," he gasps out loud, looking wildly around the room and tugging on the ropes holding his back to the chair.

The room is dark and small, the walls made of cinder bricks that have water mold where it connects to the cement floor. In front of him is a metal table with a black, palm sized box placed on top. Dick ignores that for now and looks to his side, only relaxing when he finds Damian to his right, tied similarly to another chair with his chin to his chest. Only unconscious, Dick notes as he watches his stomach rise and fall.

However, anxiety flutters in his gut when he sees there's a dried trail of blood running down the side of his head.

"Robin," he tries again, knowing at the back of his head that Bruce would be telling him to be quiet. Check for cameras. Look for an escape route. Don't let them know you're awake until you have a plan-

Dick shakes his head. Damian could have a concussion, and that takes priority. Dick could have one as well, considering how badly his head hurts, but Damian is only ten years old and Dick knows better than anyone the lingering effects injuries could have when you're a child.

He presses his feet to the ground and pushes, attempting to slide closer to his protege. He does nothing more than jolt in place. There's not enough leverage.

However, it seems the sound of the metal scraping against the ground is enough to wake up the boy. He comes to with a small groan and a pain laced crease between his brow.

"Robin," Dick repeats a third time. He can do nothing but sit as Damian blinks slowly behind his mask; his shoulders tensing as he too notices the restraints.

Damian opens his mouth, but before any words could leave there's a loud clang. The door in front of Dick and Damian, on the other side of the table, swings open.

In walks three men; two are unfamiliar, but the third Dick recognizes from the case files he and Damian got from Gordon about a week ago. Jonas Gibbs. Known arms dealer and smuggler. He's made his moves in Gotham these past few weeks, getting the police and public nervous about shootings with illegal guns. Batman and Robin had finally pinned down the date, time, and location of his next shipment and intended to take him down then, but he was smart and had hired help from various mercenaries that Dick could confidently bet used to be in the military before they were dishonorably discharged.

The way they moved, worked, and attacked was too strategic and planned. It was only a matter of time before one got a lucky hit on Damian; a blow with the butt of their rifle across the kid's forehead. The barrel of the rifle pointed down at Damian's unconscious body was all it took for Dick to raise his hands in surrender.

And now they're here, in some damp old room. Tied to chairs. A table placed in front of them with a mysterious box set on top of it.

"Perfect timing," Gibbs says, grinning. The two other men, clearly mercs, stand on either side of him as he drags up a chair and sits on the other side of the table. "I was almost afraid we'd have to dump water to get you up."

"What do you want?" Dick growls. He must want something. He hasn't taken off the cowl… or at least he hasn't tried to get through the various traps to pull it off. It means he must need something that an identity reveal wouldn't give him.

"I'm glad you asked, Batman," Gibbs says, a grin spreading on his face. He looks to one of his goons and they immediately pull a small camera out from a bag they had around their shoulder. He points it at Dick.

Dick gets a bad feeling about all of this.

"I want you to tell your real name for the camera."

Dick glares. "Are you serious?"

"Very. One of my men has second degree burns thanks to that cowl of yours electrifying him. So, I decided I'll let you go without any more harm. You tell me your names, and I'll let you go. Won't even show the video to anyone. Well," he smirkes, "unless you get in my way."

Dick clenches his jaw. Besides him, Damian mumbles something.

"I'm going to give you to the count of three," Gibbs says, unphased. "Otherwise it will get unpleasant."

His eyes drift to the black box, signifying it's mysterious importance. Dick doesn't let it scare him. He's not going to let this low life criminal blackmail him... put him and his family in danger. He'll take whatever will be thrown at him until he can work out a way to escape.

Gibbs counts down, and he reaches zero uninterrupted.

"Well," Gibbs says, unsurprised. "The hard way then. Gag him."

The grunts move like clockwork, and before Dick knows it his face is being grabbed and held in place while the other shoves a rag into his mouth and wraps a layer of tape around his face to hold it there.

"Batman..." he hears Damian mumble as the grunts back up. He sounds out of it. In pain. Dick can only hope that the hit he took to his head isn't too serious.

Gibbs retakes his attention, however, when he reaches forward and presses a hatch on the side of the black box, flicking it open on spring-loaded hinges. What's inside makes Dick's stomach drop. A needle and a glass vial filled with a yellow tinted liquid lays neatly inside. One of the grunts lifts the needle and the vial to begin filling it up.

"Do you know what this is?" Gibbs asks as the liquid fills the syringe. "I've yet to test it on anyone, but word is from the man I bought it from... It forces the truth out of you." The grunts finishes filling the syringe and flicks the bubbles. "Truth serum."

Dick has no doubt that the serum will work. He only wonders why he's threatening with it while he's gagged.

When the grunt walks around the table to Damian, he doesn't wonder anymore.

He can only tug on his restraints as the grunt grabs Damian's arm to aim the needle. Damian, for his effort, attempts to pull away, but the weakness of his head injury and his restraints do nothing to stop the needle from entering the inside of his elbow.

"You could have done this the easy way, Batman," Gibbs says. Dick watches as the syringe is pressed down, pushing the liquid into Damian's body. "I never like getting children involved."

Damian squeezes his jaw shut and turns his head away from the needle in his arm. It only takes a moment before the grunt pulls the empty syringe out before returning to standing besides his leader. A bead of blood appears where the needle left Damian's skin, but the boy doesn't move.

The air feels solid. Dick can hardly breathe as he tries to conceal his panic. He wants nothing more than to get out of these restraints and punch Gibbs and his men into next year, but he can't reach anything useful to do so. All he can do is watch Damian sit stock still as drugs spread through his veins.

A minute passes as Gibbs sits there in smug silence. Then, when a few more moments pass, he speaks.

"Robin," he says. Damian flinches, but doesn't look his way. His jaw still clenched. The goon with the camera points it right at Damian. "Why don't we start with something easy? What's your favorite animal?"

Damian curls his fingers behind his back and keeps his jaw grinding shut.

"Tight lipped huh?" Gibbs chuckles. He doesn't look surprised. Or worried. "Don't worry, I was assured that once it's fully in your system, it will hurt more to say nothing. What's your favorite animal, Robin?"

Damian says nothing, but he looks ridged. Tense.

"You look uncomfortable, Robin. Do you feel it in your head? I promise it will get better when you stop resisting. Let's try something different while we wait. Are you from Gotham?"

Damian's knuckles must be white under his gloves.

"How about your favorite color? Is it blue?"

Damian breathes a shaky breath through his nose, and Dick's heart breaks. He works harder to find a weakness in his restraints.

"My, your resilience is admirable. Were you trained on this?" Gibbs asks. Damian remains stubborn, but Gibbs still doesn't look worried. "Who were you trained by?"

"The best," Damian whimpers, cutting himself off with a growl and shutting his jaw. Gibbs smiles.

"What's your favorite animal?"

Damian shakes his head, a frustrated cry caught in his throat.

This continues, Gibbs finding victory in the one slip and pressing with everything he's got. Dick doesn't know how long Damian can last like this, and he doesn't want to find out. With every passing second, Dick knows it's only a matter of time before Damian's lips loosen. No amount of training can beat a good concussion and drugs designed to make your lips loose.

"What grade are you? Do you have any friends?"

After each question, Dick can see more and more discomfort in Damian's position. He's beginning to fidget and whimper and Dick's... Dick's had enough.

"What's your favorite color, Robin?"

"Green," Damian says with strangled gasp, sounding horrified with himself.

Gibbs smirks like a predator, knowing he's finally won.

"What's your real name?"

Yeah. Dick's had enough. With a hard tug, the ropes around his wrists finally snap against where he's been rubbing at them with his gauntlets. Gibbs and his men can barely react before Dick's upon them, cutting away the rest of the ropes with a batarang from his belt. He makes quick work of them in their shock, knocking them out and leaving them on the floor in unconscious piles.

He almost bends to put cable ties on their arms and legs, but he hears a tight whimper behind him. The moment after, he's rushing over to Damian to undo the ropes.

"Are you okay?" Dick asks, cutting through the bonds.

Damian shakes his head. Dick almost kicks himself.

"It's okay," he quickly says. "No one can hear. Let it out."

He's almost afraid Damian will force himself to remain silent, but to his relief and heartache, Damian opens his mouth and lets out a heaving sob. "It hurts- it hurts-"

Dick finally undoes the ropes, then he pulls his kid in close to his chest. "Get it out," he soothes, rubbing Damian's back.

"Dogs-" Damian starts, dissolving into quick rambling breaths. Every question he had been asked begins to be answered. Dick holds him close and lets him get it out with his tears. Silently, he sends a message to Gordon to pick up Gibbs and his men, then he messages Alfred to get the med-bay and lab ready. Soon enough, Damian is silent except for pain laced gasps, he holds tight to Dick's chest as Dick lifts him up and stuffs the vial with extra serum into his belt.

"I got you," he says as Damian continues to cry all the way to the batmobile. "I got you."

[amysubmits]

What I Do (And Don’t) Share

I got an ask a while back that was sort of poking at the idea of how we don’t really know what people on here share vs what they don’t share. It was in reference to someone else, so I didn’t answer it. I’m not here to speculate on other people and what they do or don’t post. 

However, I do think it’s potentially valuable to try to understand what people do (and don’t) share. Especially if you’re getting your idea of what D/s does (or can) look like from blogs...as many do. On other forms of social media I sometimes see quotes like...’Remember when you’re on (facebook/instagram/whatever) , you’re comparing your ‘behind the scenes’ with someone else’s highlight reels’ 

I think that applies to tumblr too. All forms of online sharing are curated. How much it is ‘edited down’ or what areas people choose to share vs not share is going to vary by person...some may truly only share their best, but nobody shares everything. 

Anyway. Just in case it helps someone...I’ll try to give a rough idea of what types of things I share, and what I don’t share. Of course, I am speaking just for myself, here. Other tumblr users will be different. 

I do share:

- Moments from my D/s relationship that I want to remember. These are often the cute, sweet, deep, powerful or hot moments. Or sometimes just funny ones.  I made a little rule of thumb years ago that if I fid myself repeatedly thinking back to an interaction that CD and I had, then it’s likely worth posting about as it’s probably important to me, or made me feel extra good or something - so it’s worth ‘capturing’ the memory. 

- Experiences from my D/s relationship that I think may help others in some way. This includes things like examples of how we communicated/negotiated, moments of struggle that we worked through, mistakes we made but learned from or grew from. I try to intentionally include some moments that aren’t the typical ‘highlights’ for the sake of showing that living D/s isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. 

- Thoughts or realizations we’ve had about our needs or wants. When I (or we) have little epiphanies about ourselves individually, our dynamic, or our views on D/s, I often share those realizations in case they help others. 

- My thoughts or beliefs about ethical D/s. Again, I like trying to help people. Sometimes through talking to different people about their ‘bad’ D/s experiences, I start to see trends or patterns in behavior. When I realize those ‘red flags’ I sometimes post about them in hopes of helping others to recognize that behavior as a red flag. 

I don’t share:

- Everything. Just in general. I don’t share every sweet moment, every hot moment, every struggle, every anything! Nowhere close, really. How could I? How much I share kind of varies. Sometimes I am in the mood to share a lot and share frequently, sometimes I go through phases of feeling more reserved. 

- Anything that feels too private or like it could risk or anonymity more than we’re comfortable with. 

- Much of our lives outside of our relationship. My goal isn’t really to show our whole lives, this blog is specifically about my relationship with CD. I may occasionally mention other parts of our lives if it’s relevant to the story I’m trying to tell, but you don’t see much about our jobs, our families, etc. 

- Problems or ‘struggles’ while they are ‘raw’. While I try to occasionally share some of the struggles we go through, I always share them after we’ve resolved the problem. While I want to make it clear to people that our relationship isn’t perfect, and that D/s requires work and is sometimes challenging... I also think it’s important to prioritize our emotional needs. I am sometimes slow to process my emotions, and while I find it beneficial to get support from those I am close with, I don’t find it helpful to share my raw, vulnerable feelings with people I’m not close with...and most of my followers are strangers, really. A grand majority of people on here are awesome and supportive, but there are always a few assholes in any group. Sharing raw, vulnerable stuff risks someone being a jerk to you while you’re still vulnerable. I see no reason to do that to ourselves. So when we share struggles, it’s always after we’ve processed and feel comfortable with risking that negative response. These moments probably come off differently when you’re sharing after the issue is resolved. I’ve occasionally had people comment that everything always seems worth it in the end or okay in the end...and yes, for me that is always true! D/s is sometimes challenging, but it’s always well worth it. And with issues, we always come together and find a solution. So you will always see that in my posts...because it’s just true for me. That doesn’t mean it’s not hard on occasion, though. And also? While I do try to share some struggles, it is more instinctual for me to share more of the good than the bad. It’s easy to share a sweet moment or hot moment, it’s harder to put imperfections out there, so I tend to only do so when I know it’s something that people can learn from. This results in more positive being shared than negative...and our relationship is far more positive than negative, so in a way it makes sense. But it’s still also likely true that the negative gets edited out more. 

- Things I’m still making sense of, or still figuring out my feelings on - even if they aren’t ‘struggles’. Sometimes my views or beliefs surrounding D/s change over time. When they’re in the process of changing, I may not be confident enough in my current thoughts/feelings to share publicly. 

And a closing note...

If you find yourself struggling to get an idea of how much of someone’s life you’re seeing? You could just try politely asking them. If you’re kind in your wording and perhaps add on why you’re asking (that you’re struggling with comparing, or are curious how realistic your grasp on what D/s looks like is, etc?) I think a lot of people would be open to discussing that with you. Or at least trying to explain. I know for me it’s hard to get a sense of how strangers may perceive my relationship from this tumblr because I know my whole relationship, I know all the details because I’ve lived it all...so when I write (or go back ad re-read) a post I am likely seeing it with more detail and context than what is literally in the writing. I fill in the gaps without realizing I’m doing so. So I can’t really get in the mindset of a stranger who only knows my relationship from what is literally in the writing. But I’d definitely be open to trying to help explain to someone if they were kind and curious. I don’t mind being open about what I do and don’t share, I suspect others may be open to this as well. 

[literacywasamistake]

Becoming a Neoliberal Subject

“At the time of this writing, distrust for the government is higher than it has been in decades: the Pew Research Center (2013) reports that the majority of Americans believe that the federal government threatens their own personal rights and freedoms[.] Over 40 percent say that the government has a negative effect on their daily lives — an alarming jump from thirteen years ago when only 31 percent expressed such sentiment. Government leaders on both sides of the political debate rail against government waste and prioritize draconian spending cuts. Meanwhile, CEO bonuses are expanding, large corporations openly flout tax laws, and corporate leaders who just a few years ago begged for government aid boldly proclaim that new forms of government regulation unfairly curtail profits. To wit, Jamie Dimon, CFO of JP Morgan Chase, recently wailed that restrictions of debit card fees would prove the “nail in the coffin for big American banks.” As capitalism has reduced human dignity to individual ability (Sennett and Cobb 1973), neoliberalism ha distorted liberal ideals of freedom into self-sufficiency in the marketplace (Slater 1997). The “Common sense” of our time (Schutz 1953) dictates that structural inequalities— sexism, racism, unemployment, lack of access to the tools to navigate one’s future— can, and should, be individually overcome.

At first glance, it seems counterintuitive that the young people who would benefit most from social safety nets and solidarity with similarly disadvantaged others cling so fiercely to ideals and practices of untrammeled individualism and self-reliance, not only as the way things are but also as the way they should be. I argue that their deeply held convictions are not simply imposed from above but they are grounded in their everyday experiences of humiliation and betrayal, their recognition that the social contract they depended on has been severed— or simply never existed in the first place. Over and over again, working-class youth learn that they can depend on others only at great cost. In turn, they numb the ache of betrayal and the hunger for connection by seizing upon cultural scripts of elf-reliance, individualism, and personal responsibility. The more “flexible” they must become in their interactions with institutions— that is, the more they learn to manage short-term commitment and disillusionment— the more “hardened” they become toward the world around them.

Through this process, they become acquiescing neoliberal subjects, rejecting all kinds of government intervention, and affirmative action in particular, as antithetical, and thereby offensive, to their lived experiences. In this way, potential communities of solidarity are broken apart by the strain of insecurity and risk. Men hold fast to the few remaining public sector jobs by vigilantly policing their boundaries against women and gay people. White people draw moral boundaries against blacks for taking government money and wasting their tax dollars. Black respondents draw even stronger boundaries against other blacks who cannot get ahead through hard work alone. Ultimately, young working-class men and women believe that if they have to battle through life alone, then everyone else should, too. Hacker (2006b:1) writes, “Risk can bring people together, creating communities of shared fate. Yet risk can also split people apart.” For the post-industrial working class, the necessity of taking care of themselves breeds resentment, dear, and distrust, thus making the possibility of community too risky.

In recognizing the ways in which institutions repeatedly fail them, informants exhibit what Willis (1977) terms “Partial penetration,” or a sense of the conditions of their social existence and their position within the social whole. They realize they are denied the tools to succeed by the very institutions that the believed in to help them. But this awareness becomes subsumed under dominant definitions of reality in such a way that the hegemony logic of neoliberalism is reaffirmed rather than fundamentally challenged (Williams 1977.) That is, their deep distrust leads them to embrace widely available neoliberal ideas and policies, believing that it is in their own best interest to live in a society that privatizes risk and privileges the individual over the collective. As a deeply saturating, hegemonic cultural framework, neoliberal ideology resonates with their lives, concealing the “social organizations of [its] production and plausibility” (Ewick and Silbey 1995:214). In translating their experiences of loneliness, uncertainty, and betrayal into stories of staunch individualism and absolute self-reliance, informants create personal narratives that not only express but actively constitute and ultimately reproduce the hegemony of neoliberalism (Ewick and Silbey 1995:212).

Even seeming acts of resistance are incorporated within an individualistic logic, as evidenced by informants’ reliance on popular culture to ease their anxieties and rage. Interestingly, many of the young people featured in this chapter— Amber, Jay, Vanessa— read and sometimes even write, fantasy, science fiction, and self-help books. When I asked Amber what she liked about these genres, she replied without a moment’s hesitation, “the escapism. Getting to escape. I like fantasy!” Jay is currently in the midst of what sounds like a fascinated science fiction novel that is explicitly about class struggle:

Jay: The protagonist is a skinhead neo-Nazi who acquires a time machine. Nazis fascinate me. In the first draft, it was actually a hard-core Republican, and I felt like it wasn’t interesting enough so I went further and found the most degenerate conservative you can come up with. I mean, aren’t we all fascinated with things that disgust us? I am hoping… you know what transgressive art is? I feel like it’s gonna be transgressive art, like people will really hate the protagonist. He acquires a time machine and him and his gang rewrite history to make it like a white paradise. And then they get to live in their white paradise and it’s never enough. Even though they have it all, they want more, they want more, and the real issue is not about white power it’s something else. He sees the error of his ways but his gang members don’t.

JS: So if it’s not about white power, what is it about?

Jay: It’s about class struggle. Because ultimately people who join groups like that, I mean there is another character who has to put up with a militant black, like a modern day Black Panther, and, uh, eventually they realize that, um, each other’s hatred is based on the same thing. They are poor and angry and uneducated.

But the awareness of injustice is channeled through popular culture in a way that renders it individual (a matter for “self-help”) or solitary (writing a novel); they see exploitation as something to be resolved on their own. And this makes sense, given their inability to navigate bureaucracy and fundamental distrust of others.

Cobb (in Sennett and Cobb 1973:271) writes: “When the structure of society appears as permanent or beyond human control, when what human beings have created comes to seem immutable, ‘natural’ transformation becomes individualized. How you are going to interpret the world moves to the front of consciousness, how you can transform it in accordance with your needs ceases to be a real question.” In this way, working-class youth affirm their commitment to self-reliance and individualism by devising individual solutions to overcoming obstacles. In Chapter 5, I will demonstrate how adulthood itself becomes an individual project.”

jennifer m. silva, from coming up short: working-class adulthood in an age of uncertainty, 2013

jennifer m. silva, from coming up short: working-class adulthood in an age of uncertainty, 2013

[sanris3]

A fine line

Pairing: reader x san Genre: friends to lovers(?)/angst Summary: You realize you're in love with your best friend San and unsure how to approach it. Playing with the thin line between friends and lovers. author notes: This is my first piece in a while, I hope everyone enjoys it! in a silly goofy mood at 5am Word Count: 1.6k

The both of you definitely started off on the wrong note. When you and San were first introduced to each other, it was difficult to get close to him. He radiated this intimidating aura and with your shy self, there was no way you'd approach someone like him. You had mutuals through a couple friend groups, it was only natural that you'd end up friends. However, there had been a misunderstanding through a mutual friend and you never thought to clear the air.. because after all, you weren't in a position to fight for the friendship anyway. The both of you left it as it is. Fast forward to 2 years later and the two of you are closer than ever. There was a stark difference between your personalities, hobbies, hell- even the way you both processed things were different. But oddly enough, you guys make it work. You were the epitome of 'opposites attract.' You'd never expect that a toxic relationship would deem you two as inseparable. San struggled a lot and you were there for him whenever he needed a shoulder to lean on. No one understood him but you oddly did. Looking at his situation, you found yourself looking in the mirror recognizing you had been in his position just a year ago. You desired to be there for him. You were reminded of the turbulent moments and unexplainable behaviors that took place- and unknowingly, you began to prioritize him. Not in a romantic way- more so, just ensuring San is doing okay because after all, he is your best friend. All you could think about were the empty moments you experienced when you went through the same thing, you didn't want him to believe no one understood him, because you did. How delightful would it have been if you had someone like this to root for you back then? San allowed himself to become comfortable with you. Sharing each vulnerable thought was a common conversation you two had and honestly- it was fascinating to learn how aware he was about his emotions because all this time, you believed he was emotionally constipated. Even after being friends for so long, the conversations you had never reached the depth that they did now. This was a sign he genuinely acknowledged you to be his closest friend. You'll never overlook the excitement you experienced at the realization he trusts you at his most vulnerable moments. It was happiness. This is what it feels like to have a friendship reciprocated. Vulnerable. Stable. Consistent. Several months go by and that relationship ends. You adhere to his side until the end, making sure he's completely taken care of; and even though it's challenging, you walk him through the emotions, keeping him together at his roughest moments. You had become his pillar. And that's exactly what you did, until, he suddenly cut off contact with you. You understood his heartbreak. He needed time to heal, but that time apart managed to lead through the most confusing part of your friendship. You missed him terribly but what could you do? He needed his space and you respected that. You hear from him for the first time for what feels like forever and you notice something is off. There's something about his aura that shifted- and you couldn't figure it out. Both of you are nervous to talk to each other after the sudden break but as always, you get through it and pick up on the flow once again. But this time it's different. There was a new feeling of awareness in your stomach when you got a notif from him- and for so long, you assured yourself it was because you missed him. Which was true. (at least for now.) There were many instances where you wanted to reach out and invade his space but that would only harm your friendship, and that was the furthest thing you desired to do. But you couldn't help yourself, you grew anxious that he would disappear on you again and started attaching yourself to him a different way and it was a scary feeling because you knew where this would lead to. "She was my person. It was rocky but I've never loved anyone so hard," he says amidst another vulnerable conversation. You try to bring him comfort by wrapping your arms

around him, gently pulling him in for a hug as he sobs again for the night. Your hands rub against his back, gently finding a pace. You feel his grasp on you tighten, hands clinging to you like you'll slip away. But you stay there, bringing him all the comfort he needs, he was still healing. There was that feeling again. Like always, you brushed it aside and never dared to ponder upon it. For the first time, your heart sinks when he's talking about her. It's a good day for both of you. Throughout your hangout you're able to pick up conversations like before, San is starting to smile again and joke a lot more often, the bright San you knew was returning and you were genuinely happy for him. "I knew you'd turn out okay, if I did, you would. It just took some time." you blurt out in the middle of silence as the two of you are watching a movie. He stops in his tracks to turn towards you, "Thank you." His lips curve up into a warm smile with his arms reaching out, unexpectedly pulling you into his arms. "You know, I'm sorry for disappearing. You've been nothing but good to me through everything. I'm grateful to have you around, I promise I'll return everything." You go along with it, loosely wrapping your arms around his frame. "It's okay." You answer with a pause before continuing. "I missed you a lot." "I did too."

There it is again. That feeling. As time went by, it was growing difficult to ignore the little jump in your heart seeing anything of him. A text? A call? Hanging out? Your wavering heart couldn't ignore. The overwhelming feeling was too much for you to handle so that day you ignore San for your sake. You took the day off to think about your feelings for the first time. Why him? Why now? It was hard to understand the sudden change in heart. You pondered over and over again if this was true. Overthinking leads one thing to another and the next thing you know, you're on your bed crying endlessly in the sheets. Out of all people, your feelings were stirred up by Choi San. For the next few months, it was a brutal game of push and pull. Not between you and San, but you and yourself. Slowly, you were filled with frustrations no one but him had answers to, it was driving you insane; One moment you would see San as a friend, then it would be more than that. The friendly gestures you were recieving from him were transforming to a different meaning in your heart. The pet names, the random compliments, the sporadic oversharing- oh you wished that it would stop. But a part of you knew you were acting like this due to the fact you were hyper aware of your feelings.

At one point you wondered what it would be like to feel his lips against yours. It was a confusing cycle you couldn't stand to seperate from him. How bad could it be if you started and ended things on your note? But if you revealed your heart, what if it backfired? There was a chance you'd lose your best friend and it was too risky to cross that line. You were desperate enough to go on dates, and of course, San encouraged you through all of them. There was a clear answer to your questions but the little hope you had in you, kept praying. Just maybe. You wanted San to feel the same way. Maybe it was the alcohol in your system, or you were tired of stringing yourself along- so you initiated the conversation about dating again. Of course, you were extremely careful with how you apporached the situation; One mess up and it'll change the dynamic of your bond forever. You thought about what would happen far ahead. Sure he accepts your feelings and there's might be connection but what if you guys aren't compatiable as lovers? would the both of you have the courage to love like you haven't been hurt? "San- Can I ask you for advice on something? Or not really advice.. but your input." The brunette gears his attention towards you fully, emmitting the same flustering feeling in your stomach. But you don't react physically.

"Is it something serious?" "Yeah sort of-" "Is this another joke you're play-" "I'm serious!" "Okay, what's up?" "what do you think about dating a friend?-" "what?" "just answer the question." "I'm scared it'll happen again." " yeah same, I get you." The both of you return to the movie, carrying on like the conversation didn't happen. The air turned thick. At one point the comfortable silence grew suffocation. Did he catch on or are you thinking too much? For the first time you realized how dangerous that fine line between friends and lovers were. In the end, you didn't want him to take responsibility for your actions. Why should San suffer because of your feelings? that was the last thing you wanted. Sure, you won't be able to kiss him and hug him, or feel his embrace in a much more intimate way- but he was by your side and that mattered. With that, you were happy and content. Even if his heart wasn't yours. "San?" "Yeah?" "I'm really grateful you're my best friend." "I could say the same."

[kentos-filmcamera]

10 times, 1 occasion - Inumaki Toge

2. Gift

A/N: aaaaa i woke up to a lot of notifs, i’m so glad everyone is liking it so far! thank u sm for reading! just a quick clarification, I’m setting the reader as non binary; i will be using mostly they/them pronouns and sometimes she/her but i will avoid to do so. happy reading!

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

“Megumi!” You called, waving to the underclass man. He offered you a tiny smile and a wave back. You let go of Toge’s hand to pull him into an embrace. “You’re taller! How much you’ve grown, my boy!” You’ve known him since forever, way before you met your fellow second years. And you always loved to pester him. 

“I’m the same exact way since you last saw me” He deadpanned as you pinched his cheeks, his voice as plain as you remembered it to be. You only laughed and ruffled his hair, earning a groan. 

“Where’s my hug?” You heard the voice of Gojo Satoru resonate through your ears for the first time in a while, and the most annoying phrase in existence was what he chose to say. 

You turned to look at him, unimpressed, your expression matching Fushiguro’s. You were met with his usual cheeky smile and raised brows. He extended his arms and did ‘grabby’ hands as children did. Oh my. This man was annoying; and to think you even considered you missed him in the first place. 

“Up your ass” You replied and moved his arms away from nearing your torso. He gasped dramatically and pouted like a wounded puppy. You only gave him a pat in his shoulder “Glad to see you’re...  Well, alive” 

“Don’t speak to Gojo-sensei like that!” You heard a foreign voice, the same one you heard from a far moments ago. You turn to look at the boy with the pink hair with a raised eyebrow. Something in your head clicked, as did your tongue. You pointed at him. 

“Sukuna’s vessel” You said. Even up in the mountains the hottest gossip was the kid that ate one of Sukuna’s fingers and actually withstanded to house the spirit inside him. It was the talk at the dinner table for weeks. Your sister was specifically interested in it one night, making her spill hot soup all over your lap when she was in charge of serving everyone that night. 

“Itadori Yuuji” He corrected. You stared at him up and down and gave a tiny smile and a nod. 

“And this is Nobara Kugisaki��� Panda indicated to you, as you turned to face the ginger that looked at you with gleaming eyes. You waved shortly before introducing yourself to both. 

One of their faces lit up “You got attacked by a special cursed spirit last year right?” The boy you recognized as Itadori spoke. Your face blanked and drained of any color as you tensed. The only remedy you found was to nod, your jaw clenched shut as Inumaki reached in to rub his hand through your shoulders. It relaxed you, but you didn’t remember him being this touchy before. 

“Idiot! You don’t remind other people of their trauma!” Kugisaki hit him in the back of the head, noticing how your attitude shifted in seconds. 

“But! It was awesome! You were the first first year ever to expand a complete domain!” Itadori protested, but he slumped realizing how far you were. Your eyes looked as if they were in another galaxy, your mind taking them far as you spaced out. You hated doing it, but it came rather involuntarily when you were avoiding getting hurt. “You’re so skilled” 

“It wasn’t awesome. I—“ You sighed, and accepted the compliment, your mind returning back to the scene. “Thank you. I’ve been training since I saw my first curse” You gave a light thankful bow to him before turning to Toge “Walk me to my room?” 

“Sake” He nodded, and led you ahead. Panda passed onto you the duffle bag and gave Inumaki the remaining handbag as you two walked in silence towards the second year building. 

Your room was exactly as you left it, except for the made up bed. You remembered that morning clearly; you had always been an organized person, but when Maki pulled you out of your bed for what would be your last mission for a while, you didn’t have the time to fix it before leaving. As you looked around, you heard the sound of bags hitting the floor and the generic sound of typing on an electronic keyboard. Then your phone vibrated shortly on the pocket of your jacket. Taking it out, you read the new message. 

[ Inumaki Toge: i laid the bed after you left. i knew you wouldn’t like to find it all messy after all this time ] 

“Thank you” You spoke as a response. You stood in place, arms crossed and thought. Inumaki chuckled at your tongue poking out from the corner of your lips. “You’re right. I wouldn’t have liked to find the bed unmade after months” You smiled briefly at the warmth spreading through your chest, opened the windows and looked at your space. 

On the bed, your new uniform was laid down, awaiting your return. You asked for both the option of wearing pants and a skirt, depending on the type of mission, you settled with what seemed more comfortable. Your closet was empty, as you didn’t know for how much you were going to be away, except for a few pieces you stole from Maki’s closet. Everything Toge gave you, you took with you, and you wouldn’t take things from Yuta without his permission. You looked at the picture on your nightstand of the five of you, taken by Gojo as you exited a training session. You laughed with Panda as Maki, seemingly angry elbowed you in the ribs, Inumaki and Yuta enjoyed the moment quietly, both smiling. Fitted on the inside edge of that picture frame was a strip of pictures you took at a carnival, in a picture booth with Inumaki before exorcising a curse haunting the house of mirrors. One of the most difficult, terrifying missions you could have ever taken, in your first year nevertheless. But getting some Italian food sponsored by Gojo’s wallet at 2 AM on a Saturday was a great way to end the night. 

“Heh, look, you had spiky hair” You mentioned, taking the picture strip out of the frame and handing it over to the boy, who passed you another picture from your board by your desk in exchange. It was a selfie Gojo took with you and Maki, as he found you both sneaking in after getting piercings and tempura in Shibuya, taking Ijichi as hostage to drive you there. Remembering the event, you flipped down your septum, and checked for your five lobe piercings and your helix. Due to your family’s cursed technique, piercings were more than cliche, but on the ear, not on the nose. You opted for a septum for whenever you had to hide it. Your phone vibrated again. 

[ Inumaki Toge: i always liked that piercing on u. u look very cool ]

[ Inumaki Toge: you’ve always looked cool :)) ] 

“You flatter me too much, Toge, thank you” You turned away to hide the blush on your cheeks. Soon, you received a tap on your shoulder. You faced a flustered Inumaki with a dianty box in his hands. “Uh, you shouldn’t have, I—“ You were perplexed, trying to find the reason why he would give you a present. 

“Bonito Flakes” He insisted, shoving the gift into your hands and pointing to the door with his head. He wanted to give you some space, to read the letter and to change back into your uniform. 

“I’ll be quick, I promise” You gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek before he rushed to leave the room. 

You prioritized changing into your uniform, deciding for the navy high rise wide pants with slits on their outer sides going from your mid-upper thigh to the bottom of the piece, made for better movement in battle. You buttoned up and tucked the navy jujutsu high jacket, of which you wore a shorter version, with a classic white collar from your button up peeking out from underneath. You scouted your bag for the tiny chain you hung from the eyelet of the collar, it was a family heirloom, a protection chain; if anyone touched it in battle, your cursed technique of choice would come into effect. Besides, it made you look more classy. 

You fixed the puffy long sleeves, the form and the material more breathable, flexible and comfortable for you. You reached out to your closet and fitted the white patent ankle boots, almost tripping while doing so. 

“I’m okay!” You shouted back, responding to a soft knock on the door. They were similar to Inumaki’s own shoes, but more stylish. In general, you were more stylish than him; or anyone else in both campuses. You finally fitted your black arm band, which had strapped in a box of needles, a rather thin rope and some thread. 

You sat in your bed and took the box between your hands, circling around your fingertips. You removed the decorative bow and cut through the sealing tape with your fingernails. In between the folds of tissue paper, you found a golden ring. Your lost ring. It looked different, but you could recognize that oval shaped emerald anywhere. You touched it several times to check if it was real or not. And it was. You rushed to find an explanation to this, prying the letter open with your fingernails. 

“Hi,

As I’m writing this, I’m not sure when you’re coming back. Or if you’re even doing so. Writing this letter gives me hope for your return, as so did getting you this welcome back gift. It’s the ring you took so much pride in owning. Oh, well, part of it. I remember how you got rushed to the infirmary, wailing, touching your damaged hand to see if you had your ring.  But you didn’t. I went back to the scene myself that same day, and the next, and the one after the other to find your missing jewel. When I found it, it looked terrible. It was dirty, bent, and the emerald had a crack in one of its corners. It took me some work, but I found someone that could restore it. It’s the original stone, and the original material but it had to be reshaped. I know you like signets, so I hope you can find appreciation in this one too. 

You looked once more at the piece and let out a teary chuckle. You had suffered so much the loss of that ring. It was a present from your grandmother, now deceased. You hated yourself incessantly for losing it. But now, it was back in your grip. You slipped it into your ring finger and before continuing your lecture, you fanned your under eyes to avoid ruining the hint of makeup you currently wore. 

If you’re reading this, I am so glad you’re back. I missed you, so so much. I’m glad to see you in good health. And I’m sorry everything happened the way it did. You didn’t do anything wrong. I know how you feel. Please trust me. Thank you once more for allowing me to speak to you through written words. You’re the only one I want to write to, anyways. I don’t have the patience for anyone else. Welcome back, cookie. 

I love you. 

Yours, Toge” 

[keijiluvr]

JUST SOME BOY

Pairings: Atsumu x Reader

Warnings: Implication of cheating, angst

NOTE: this is my first time writing about hq boys so i’m sorry if it might be ooc :( also pls be nice about this, i know it sucks but anyway here you go!

Part 2

Being in a relationship with Atsumu for more than a year now really has been wonderful for you. You felt happy, comfortable and content with him. You make each other happy as giggles and laughter would leave your lips, pulling the other’s body closer to them. Affection wasn’t really an issue as kissing has been normal for the both of you. Subtle hand holding and nuzzling against the other’s neck has been a routine most of the time, eager to just feel the touch of the other. Mornings filled with soft smiles, brushing the other’s hair and leave kisses all over their face.  

Both of you know each other like the back of your hands, being able to know if something’s troubling the other and be able to talk about it and work things out. You were able to support him throughout his struggles especially with volleyball and he’s always there to listen whenever something’s bothering you. It was safe to say that you can imagine yourself staying in this so called fairytale for a very long time. 

But it didn’t last that long. 

It started two weeks ago. That gut feeling that something’s wrong, screaming and begging at you to listen. No matter what you do, it wouldn’t disappear as it clawed its way up to your mind, disturbing your thoughts as it pushed it to the back of your mind and let itself stay inside your head for a while. It’s been bothering you for days. You thought it was just you being paranoid or a common feeling of nervousness but why would you feel like that? 

“Tsum?” 

“Sorry, Coach told me to stay behind to practice more on.” 

You brushed it off, it didn’t really matter to you as long as he got home safely and that he’s okay. This would happen sometimes and you’re always waiting for him in the apartment, ready to reassure and relieve some stress with him. You’ve been his anchor, always keeping everything grounded and steady and he liked it. How come things started changing? 

However, the constant late night practices started happening frequently as excuses kept on piling up. 

“We have an important match coming up. I really have to practice.” 

“Bokuto-san wanted to practice more on his spikes, he needed me.” 

“The team stayed a bit longer to practice some more.” 

That’s when that gut feeling kept nagging at you, resulting in countless negative thoughts running around your mind while you stay in your shared bedroom, alone and awake as the night settled in. Did something go wrong? Did you do something? But then you would feel foolish for having that kind of thoughts. You would reassure yourself, repeating a mantra in your head that everything’s fine, he just needs time to practice. 

It was like a constant play of a broken record inside your head, not letting the fear eat you whole. It was scary, frightening even but you should trust him, you do trust him. 

So you lived as if you have nothing to worry about, understanding that he has to prioritize his career first and that everything will go back to normal soon. He’d start coming home early after the match, you’d feel his skin on yours, the apartment would be filled with laughter and new memories. You hoped it would be like that soon. 

It felt weird, today feels weird for you. It wasn’t that good kind of weird, it was the opposite. Your hands felt clammy, your heartbeat setting an uneven pace and this gut feeling, the familiar gut feeling but much more intense than before. It felt as if something bad is supposed to happen today, as if your body is sending alarming bells to you, trying to warn you about the possible future events that may occur today, that you need to prepare yourself for something. 

But what could it be? 

Going back to reading the text messages you sent to your boyfriend, you felt anxious. Why would he leave you on read? Did something bad happen during their practice today? That might not be the case since someone from the team would’ve called you right away if something happened. You felt silly, crazy even due to how paranoid you are. Who could blame you though? It’s been hours and he hasn’t even thought of replying to your texts. 

You’ve thought about so many possible scenarios, even reaching the point of something happening to the gym. Hell, enough scenarios just to put your mind on edge that causes your legs to shake due to nervousness.  

Reaching for your phone quickly, you inserted the passcode as soon as you heard the familiar ding coming from your phone. 

You bit your lower lip, forcing yourself not to let out a sigh, to show your disappointment. What did you expect though? No matter how hard you try, nothing will change. He prioritizes volleyball over anything. If it’s practice, it’s practice. You should know that by now as you were always there for him, supporting him and cheering him on as he does the thing that he loves. But why can’t you ignore this gut feeling? That same gut feeling that’s been desperate to grab your attention, to make you listen that something is obviously wrong. 

Maybe it’s telling you that an accident might happen so without giving it a second thought, you decided to text the person who you’ve been friends with for a while just to check up on Atsumu.

You were in a state of shock, completely still as you read the message over and over again. Your grip on your phone tightening its hold as your chest felt heavy. Blinking, you haven’t even noticed the tears as they fell, landing on the sheets below you. Your mind whirling with endless amounts of negative scenarios, a bunch of what ifs making your heart ache more. 

But this isn’t the time to mope around and drown in negative scenarios. You need answers, you need to hear the truth and you know the person that can answer every question that you have. 

Atsumu realized that he came home late once again, letting out a sigh as he shut the front door behind him, trying to be quiet as possible too since he noticed how the lights are turned off indicating that you might have fallen asleep. Biting his lower lip, he was on his way to the kitchen to grab something to eat when he noticed someone sitting on the couch. 

“Y/N? You almost gave me a heart attack.” He let out a chuckle, sauntering over to you but felt himself stiffen. 

There you were, hugging your knees close to your chest. Teary-eyed, you looked up at him, “Where were you, Atsumu?” 

“What? I was at practice like everyday.” 

“Don’t lie to me, please.” The way you begged, desperate to know the truth even if it will hurt, even if it will break you. It would be better to know the truth rather than pretending to be living in a healthy and stable relationship with someone you once knew. 

As he stood there, you couldn’t even recognize him anymore. Nothing changed with his physical appearance but it felt like you were talking to a stranger, to someone you barely even know anymore. Your chest tightening as your eyes welling with tears. “Please.” You sobbed 

Holding out his hand, he tried to wipe your tears away. However, you turned your head to the side, not wanting to feel his touch, knowing you’d crumble more in his grasp. Instead, the hand was left hanging in the air as you avoided his gaze, wiping your own tears. Defeated, he sat beside you, watching you carefully. “Did someone tell you?” His voice small. 

You let out a humorless chuckle, wiping your fingers to your shirt as you faced him. “Someone told me some things. You weren’t staying at the gym to practice more, Atsumu. He told me how you would always be the first one to leave practice, always in a hurry yet you always come home late.” You whispered the last few words, voice cracking before clearing your throat. 

Pathetic, you felt pathetic. As the warning bells continued to ring inside your head, you couldn’t help but cling onto one positive thought that maybe, maybe he’s working on something for days and wouldn’t tell anyone. That maybe he was just busy and didn’t think of telling anyone. 

But why would he lie to you? Why would he pretend to be at practice? 

“I’m sorry.” 

“I was planning on telling you but I guess I’ve been a coward for avoiding it. I met someone, Y/N. She makes me happy. I’m sorry you had to find out like this.” 

That part of you that has been trying to give you hope started diminishing at his response. That small part of you that was believing and trusting him, the one that you held onto so so so tightly disappeared, leaving you falling into the void.  The fact that all of the effort and progress that you’ve been trying to do lately came crashing down onto you, pushing you further into the darkness. 

It triggered you. His words triggered something beneath you. I was planning on telling you. I’m sorry you had to find out like this. 

Is he being serious? You felt as if he wasn’t being sincere for his actions, for what he did to you. It felt like it had no effect on him that you found out. If you didn’t find out today, would he still keep on doing it? But what pierced through your heart, what kept repeating in your head was those words. She makes me happy.

Did you fail? Were you not enough? Did you not make him happy? 

It felt as if your body moved on its own, standing up abruptly and slapped him across his face. For once, you didn’t regret your actions. He deserved it. Looking down at him, you tried so hard to memorize his face. Before he could utter another word, you were out of his sight. 

You clenched your fist, feeling your palm burning as it serves as a reminder that you hit him before running to your room to pack your things.

“It looks like they’re coming back.” 

Turning around, you eyed the stadium with a soft, little smile. The banner with his team on it proudly shown as people gather to view the details of the upcoming match. Your gaze landed on his picture, content as you saw how happy he looked especially with his teammates. 

That night, it was the last time you saw him. It’s been almost a year now and admittedly, it’s been tough to get back on your feet but you’re almost there. Your heart might still long for him, it might still ache since there are days that the pain becomes unbearable but you’re thankful for the people around you that have been patient enough to guide you back to your feet. 

“Who’s that? It looks like you know him.” Your friend asked, pointing at the guy you’ve been staring at.

“Don’t worry about it, he’s just some boy.” 

It might be a long process, the healing but you’re willing to undergo through the long process until you can finally move on from everything without feeling the pain, the ache and the misery. For now, you’re just happy for him for achieving his dreams.